never play flip cup with pint glasses
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
