foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
