so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
