so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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