y did u give ur computer a hand job?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So much rum. So many feels.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
