Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
