one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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