see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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