My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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