i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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