something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
