apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
