pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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