So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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