So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I wish there were birth control emojis
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
