he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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