the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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