It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
