Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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