cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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