I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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