Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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