You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
