I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
