You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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