Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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