Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
