she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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