Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
