Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize