i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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