nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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