Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
