So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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