I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
