I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
