Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
