Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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