Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
