I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
