just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
