also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
