I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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