After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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