I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
