Fuck appropriateness.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
