We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
