he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
