she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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