Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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