so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We are two peas in an std pod
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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