11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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