My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
even my farts smell like vagina
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
