So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
