Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
