she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize