The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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