i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
