quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
