guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
