a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
