i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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