One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
