They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize