she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
