i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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