I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
