so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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