I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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