Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
