he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
