why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
