Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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