Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
