i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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