you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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