It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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