I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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