someone threw a dead crab at me
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
