when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
we made out on top of his cat.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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