Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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