is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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