found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize