I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
