Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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