I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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