He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize