i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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