Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
