just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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