Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
