You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
