I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
