Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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