you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
