I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
