If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
