So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
