Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
