Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize