She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize